Kyouya's Birthday
by auroramcchickenatmcdonalds
Summary: Sequel to my (not really) popular story, Mori's Birthday! If you've read that, you know what the rating's for, and if you want to read this. I'm actually on time this time!


Kyouya Ootori could say that he didn't like Facebook, but then he'd just be lying. So many opportunities for blackmail… Currently he was watching "Mori like you've Never Seen Him," which involved his long-term boyfriend (3 years was a very long time) dancing on a table while inebriated, singing Lady Gaga's "Lovegame" at his birthday party 6 months prior, whose hook they later acted out. He didn't remember if he had actually used the phrase "I want to take a ride on your disco stick," but he wouldn't be shocked if he had.

That encounter had been one of the best he'd ever had, but not quite good enough to negate the embarrassing treatment at the hands of his friends afterward. Apparently Tamaki had refused to leave his and Haruhi's bedroom to go to school the next Monday, so she was forced to drag him and make him, while he was in his pajamas, no less. The twins, being nowhere near as dramatic as Tamaki, "settled" for snickering and making bad jokes. Luckily, Honey seemed to have repressed the incident, so that was something, at least. He decided that it wasn't his fault that his idiotic companions (and Haruhi) didn't seem to realize that the two hosts going into their bedroom to "save a horse, ride a cowboy" means "seriously, go home." Finally, he had to resort to being as loud as humanly possible, in the off chance that they took the hint and went away.

Finally, he found himself at a picture of the couple at Tamaki's Halloween party. Kyouya had gone for a traditional Japanese outfit and a messier hairstyle, and was promptly labeled "Zetsubou-sensei" by Renge. After that, all evening he heard cries of, "I'm in despair! This Halloween party has left me in despair!" and "Where's your rope?" He didn't know what they were going on about, so he just ignored it. Takashi, on the other hand, had gone for a blue military uniform, and he was referred to as "Roy Mustang" by people who were presumably upset that he did not bring Riza Hawkeye. Personally, Kyouya didn't see the resemblance, but who cared? He looked better than usual in it, and it looked even better on the floor.

Where was Takashi, anyway? He said he had some errands to run, but those shouldn't take two hours. What could he possibly be doing?

A doorbell distracted him from his thoughts. He answered the door to come face to face with the person he had been thinking about. However, there was something unusual about him…

"Why are you dressed as a cop?" _Perhaps, more importantly, are police uniforms supposed to be that tight? Will he need help taking it off? Pick me!_ Apparently the bespectacled young man didn't realize that his boyfriend probably wouldn't pick anyone else, even if he had the option of doing so.

"You're under arrest for being a sexy birthday boy." Was it really his birthday? He looked at the calendar, and sure enough, it said November 22. He had been 20 years old all day and he didn't even know? Well, might as well roll with it…

"Will I be frisked, officer?" Why was this so exciting? Oh right, Halloween had been the last time they'd gotten up to anything. Maybe that had been why he had snapped at Hikaru earlier when he asked why Kyouya wasn't pregnant yet.

"If that is what the birthday boy wishes." He couldn't wait for what was in store! He just hoped he would be able to walk tomorrow…

Honestly, Kyouya felt that the other man was spending a bit too much time on his chest to be considered a real frisking, and was the officer really supposed to take his clothes off? What about the kissing?

Finally, it seemed like Officer Morinozuka had reached his destination. "This is a deadly weapon you've got here. I may need to examine it closer." The hands on his ass told him that this would be a very good evening for him.

Kyouya pretended to struggle, but secretly enjoyed himself. _Examine there as much as you want! Use your cock if it helps! Even if it doesn't, use it anyway! _Turns out he doesn't need to be drunk to be extra-horny.

It looked like Takashi was starting to make his way to their bedroom, but he was going to have none of that. Who needed a bed when a wall was right there? "I want to stay here." He turned around, placed his hands against the wall, and leaned forward, making it clear exactly what he wanted and how he wanted it tonight.

He turned his head to see Takashi struggling with his uniform. After what seemed like forever, he got it off, and before beginning his preparation, whispered, "You do not have the right to remain silent."

Mrs. Otoha Nomura, age 75, was sitting down to enjoy her weekly dinner with her granddaughter, Yayoi. Everyone loves soup, especially on a cold autumn night like this one was turning out to be. Mrs. Nomura's husband, Akifumi, had died some years prior, and he always made her soup on nights like this. However, her young neighbors eased her loneliness. They were gorgeous and fun to look at, one a tall, tanned, buff man who frequently carried a kendo sword, the other slightly shorter and bespectacled, with black hair and pale skin, her favorite combination. Some nights, oddly sexual noises came from their apartment, too masculine for a woman, and from there she deduced the two young men batted for the other team. She had thought it was disgusting at first, but Takashi and Kyouya were just so beautiful, she had to come around eventually.

Things became a little awkward, when soup was being ladled, cries of things like, "Oh, Takashi, harder, please!" and "I can't hold on! Let's keep going on the floor!" were heard. Yayoi felt like she was intruding on something very private, and felt strange, until she noticed her grandmother looked like she was about to have a nosebleed all over the dining room. This realization that her grandmother was a pervert was the second worst she'd ever had, the first being that because she existed, her parents had had sex.

"Grandma, you sicko!" Otoha hadn't even heard, her mind far too busy conjuring up scenarios for the young men to star in inside her mind.

* * *

Was it worth it? I spent all day yesterday working on it, on a rare day off. Sorry if it's not as good as the other one.

If you don't know _Sayonara, Zetsubou-sensei, _and you have a darker sense of humor, go watch the series right now. The teacher does actually look like he belongs in the Ootori family, at least to me. And you are most likely aware of Roy Mustang already, and how he is a (dub) actor allusion.

Does anyone else love the old lady as much as I do? Also, what kind of jokes would the twins make in this situation? They may have started calling Mori "Biggus Dickus," or say that the two like to go into their room and agree with each other, but I can't really think of anything pervy enough (coming from someone who writes this pseudo glorified porno?)

Well, that's all from me (for now, anyway). See ya!

~Aurora


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